WTF Shojo: Why Scissors and Ballsacs Don’t Make a Good Combination

As promised, a WTF Shojo post :3 The title of the one-shot featured today is called Sayonara Kodomotachi or “Good-bye Children” by Morie Satoshi.

(Although I think “Good-Bye My Balls” would have mad a more appropriate title, but that’s just me)

The story opens with some people remarking about how someone named “Miki” has arrived on the scene and how fortunate it is for this “Asahi” person that Miki is here. The next panel shows two girls talking and giving us a feeling that nothing messed up is going to be happening in the next 20 pages.

“It was all because I became an adult before you.”

Miki is a rich girl. Asahi is a kid who lives at a Home. Despite their different pasts and ages, both seek friendship in the other’s company. We turn the page and see Miki asking Asahi wtf happened to her. We see that Asahi has shit-like goo in her hair, a bloody bruise on her cheek, and her dress is torn to the point of exposing a good portion of her undershirt. Asahi shrugs off her friend’s concern for her disheveled appearance and instead holds out her hands to Miki. Inside her cupped fingers is a barrette with a plastic flower attached at the end. Asahi saved up all her money to buy the $0.99 hair accessory from Target’s $1 bargain bin. The reason? It’s a B-Day gift. Miki is 14 years old today! ( ु⚈᷁௰⚈᷁ ू)

Rather than care about why her friend looks like she just escaped from a rape, Miki instead thinks of a comment Arashi said awhile back about how adult Miki is compared to her (<-bc this is totally what I do when I see my friends walking around with bruises and ripped to shit clothing – flashback on random conversations we had. Because asking questions makes too much sense (￣——-￣)). Touched by her friend’s actions, Miki pulls Asahi into her arms and squeezes the shit out of her…again, not caring that maybe Asahi might have some other bruises other than the one bleeding out her cheek (and whatever is oozing in her hair). But all is good because Asahi herself doesn’t care about her own injuries. She’s more concerned about getting Miki dirty with her own life fluids gushing from her wounds.

Spotting some of her said fluids on Miki’s hand, Asahi decides to clean them with her tongue, because that’s what friends do. Lick each other. True. Friendship.

Miki freaks because hey, why the hell are you licking my hand little girl?

Before any words can be said (like “WTF???”) someone calls out to Miki. We see a man in the distance bowing to the girls. Next to him is a car. Asahi instantly freaks and clings to Miki. Miki tells the shorty that he’s keeping his distance so there’s no need for excited tits. Miki needed to be picked up, thus the reason for the man and the car. Dur. Asahi infers “need a car to drive me like 3 blocks home” to “dying of cancer.” She calls out to Miki who is walking to the car and asks if Miki is hurt or something (uh, I think that question is better directed at you, small child with the visible physical injuries ( ᵌ ⍨ ᵌ ) ). Miki just smiles like all shojo people do when they’re hiding something and tells Asahi there’s nothing to worry about. Peace.

Inside the car, Miki mumbles about how she’s finally getting used to wearing skirts. She then starts to unbutton her shirt, commenting about how the fake boobs are still another story. The driver in the car tells Miki that even though she looks like a girl already, the fake boobs are a nice touch in times where Asahi might be pressed up against Miki’s chest. We see the driver’s face is red, either from Miki’s strip show or:

Because of Miki’s balls are hanging out to dry (any boy who sits like this while in a skirt is going to have some slippage happenin’).

Yup. Ladies and gents, Miki’s a dude. And his real name is Haruyoshi. Hence dem fake knockers.

So what would lead a girly boy like Haruyoshi to don women’s clothing? Does he like the breeze he feels in between his legs?  The reason started 2 years ago. Haruyoshi’s dad I guess owns the Home Asahi lives at and he was doing a daily visit of some sorts because I guess that’s what you do? Haruyoshi tagged along because I guess that’s what you do too? Bring your kid to Homes to show them how fortunate they are? *shrugs* Upon seeing him, the headmistress of the place squirts her juices all over her panties. She remarks how beautiful Haruyoshi is and how just looking at him can make a person happy…wink wink. Thankfully Haruyoshi  has perfected the art of having no shits to give and isn’t even bothering with the lady or her creamy underwear. He walks away (lol), thinking that if just by looking at him can give people happiness, then happiness is an easy thing to get. Something tugs on his shirt, stopping Haruyoshi. He looks down to see a little girl holding on to him. While the worker who was watching the girl freaks, Haruyoshi is like, whatever. He goes with the girl to the play area and they push a giant ball back and forth.

As they play, Haruyoshi  informs us readers about some intel on the girl (Asahi) he’s with. Supposedly when she was younger, she was abused by her father to the point where she has grown a fear of all men. Apparently she must have mistaken Haruyoshi for a girl and thus isn’t freaking out. Looking at her, Haruyoshi remarks on how you could never tell what kind of past she had.

Haruyoshi’s dad comes is and is like, sup son? He could have come in without his pants on and still elicit the same freak out from Asahi. She grabs onto Haruyoshi and screams forgiveness and begs not to be beaten. Her screams start to go all crazy until finally she pees all over Haruyoshi.

(◉◞౪◟◉ ) …did this just happen? In a shojo?

It was like someone took a gallon of milk and upturned it, that’s how much urine this girl’s bladder dispensed. Rather than freak out (because he hasn’t thus far so why start now?), Haruyoshi starts to monologue…like how he did earlier when he saw Asahi in her possible post rape state. Nice to see fucks being given. He thinks how this little girl is clinging to him yet isn’t being assuaged by her fears. That’s like total rejection right there. (the hell, Haruyoshi? I think we have bigger things here than your bruised ego, man). The headmistress lady and some random person apologize to Haruyoshi about being peed on like a lamppost and call Asahi to them (yeah guys, because in the state she is right now, she’ll totally just get up and come over :/). Haruyoshi tells them to have several seats but before that, to bring him a towel (I think a shower and new clothes would have been better but that’s just me).

“If I can bring happiness to someone…then let it be this girl. I’m fine if I can only make her happy.”

Dad: ಠ_ಠ *crosses off Haruyoshi’s name on his will*

Since that day, Haruyoshi has been visiting the Home in drag. He even grew his hair out for the part (yes Haruyoshi, we can tell. Thanks for pointing that out though! ^^;). He did all of this so he could be with Asahi but…

We’re brought back to the present as we see Haruyoshi collapsed in the backseat, in pain.

“There is something going on that I myself have no control over.”

OMG guys is he…

“Puberty.”

ಠ_ಠ

Haruyoshi is going through growing pains. Thus why he’s passed out and in pain.

ಠ_ಠ

…

Son…if you’re crying this hard over growing taller, imagine that plus a vagina that bleeds every month and sometimes feels like killing you slowly on top of that…fucking pussy.

Not only is Haruyoshi developing into a real boy, but so is his penis. His mind starts to think about Asahi. He remembers her dress torn so he could see her under garments (IS THAT THE REASON WHY YOU DIDN’T QUESTION HER STATE!? YOU WERE TOO BUSY LOOKING AT HER 8 YEAR OLD NO-BOOBS!?). He remembers the way she licked his hand (me: (;꒪ꈊ꒪;))). The next panel shows him as a beast on top of her. Haruyoshi wakes up to realize he was dreaming…and guys, it took me a few reads to figure this out, but…I think our young Mr. Haruyoshi had his first wet dream. I thought at first he like…whacked it a few times because why else in the next panel would there be a stream of liquid coming out, even if the liquid is falling the wrong way? Then I thought he threw up but no one throws up that pretty, even in shojo. THEN I realized that the liquid is hitting his bed sheets. His expression in the panel before and the close up of his hand on his sheets in the next panel finally deduced it for me. Boy got them sheets all nice and creamy…over an 8 year old.

( Д ) ﾟ ﾟ (SHOCK) Another shojo violation…wet dreams.

The next day…or whenever, Haruyoshi is in his girl disguise with Asahi. Asahi asks if Haruyoshi is doing better. In concern, the little girl puts her hand on Haruyoshi’s. However, Haruyoshi rips his hand away from hers (understandable…seeing as how he nutted his pajamas earlier) . Yeah, he’s doing great. Thanks. Asahi tells Haruyoshi she wishes she could take on Haruyoshi/Miki’s problem. Haruyoshi/Miki has always been there for her. Asahi doesn’t care about the pain because whenever Asahi was in pain, Miki was there to hold her tight and stay by her. Thus Asahi wants to repay Miki’s kindness and take Miki’s pain onto herself.

As Haruyoshi watches the little girl cry over him, he realizes that he doesn’t want to lose Asahi. He doesn’t want to part from her. He’d do anything to stay with her. Anything.

And thus this explains why he’s sitting naked in his shower, holding a pair of scissors over his nuts.

(((; ఠ ਉ ఠ))

…what am I reading?

He reckons if he snaps them balls off, he won’t go through puberty, he can remain a girl boy, and he’ll be able to stay with Asahi under the ruse of Miki FOREVER. Hey, if the Eunuch could do it, so could he (I had to dictionary.com “eunuch” because I was like, wtf Haruyoshi and Midori (the translation app I use). Eunuch? Basically dudes who had their nuts whacked off and were powerful mofos…so I guess somehow them having powers but no balls is supposed to help Haruyoshi go through with cutting off his own breadstick).

Haruyoshi’s hands are trembling as he steadies himself to do the deed. He starts to think that it’d be so much better had he and Asahi been the same age. They could have grown up together and experience adulthood side by side. If life had only been that kind, he wouldn’t be in his current state – crouched down in the bathroom with a pair of fucking scissors over his boom boom stick.

That said, he lifts his weapon and –

6 years later.

It is the 6th year anniversary of Haruyoshi’s passing. By the time he was discovered in the bathroom, it was too late. There was too much blood loss. Neither he nor his balls could be saved. No one ever figured out why he did it, only that it must have really hurt…

In actuality, we’re not attending his funeral. Instead we’re sitting in a car in front of the Home Asahi lives at. The driver asks his passenger if the individual isn’t going to go in? Driver: we do this every year and we just sit here all creepy. I’m surprised we haven’t been questioned by the cops yet. I mean, 6 years? 6. I think this needs to stop.

We teleport into the Home where the headmistress is chillin at her desk. Someone enters her office. It’s Asahi, now 14 and hopefully not peeing on people no more. Turns out the reason Asahi was summoned was because someone wants to adopt her! Yay! It’s this wonderful fatherly man right here:

Doesn’t he look just 100% rated G? Like he totally wouldn’t feel you up? The headmistress tries to sell him like he’s the greatest thing ever (because he has dem dollars) but we all know he’s creepy and looking for a little kid to “play” with. I mean, who sweats when looking at a girl like that?

Perverts, that’s who.

Asahi’s creeper senses tingle and she gets her pigeon toes out of there. Or at least she tries. Creeper makes a grab for her but is stopped when someone intervenes…via a swift kick to where I’m guessing is the creeper’s balls? Asahi looks up at her savior and instant memories of Miki come flooding back. No way!

She cries out Miki’s name and grabs at the individual. However, the person she’s grabbed onto isn’t Miki. In fact, it’s just a girly dude. (it’s Haruyoshi in case I was too vague with the description lol). He freaks at the sight of Asahi and pushes her away dramatically before running to the toilets to toss his cookies. Asahi is just looking at the doorway he ran to in confusion. He comes in, saves me, and then barfs. Um?

Another man enters the scene and tells Asahi not to worry. Haruyoshi got dah fear of dem germs…amongst other problems.

(I guess Asahi overcame her fear of men because she’s not wetting herself over the appearance of Haruyoshi’s driver)

We learn that, in the end, Haruyoshi didn’t pinch off his almonds. He realized that he wanted to be by Arashi’s side…as a man with functioning testicles. It’s at this point I realized that Haruyoshi is lolicon because he was 14 and she 8…no.

“The thing keeping me from being with her wasn’t the change happening to my body…it was the change occurring in my heart.” (basically, he grew up and realized he wanted to do some spanky spanky with her)

However, realizing he was going to become a dude as he grew, he decided to keep his distance because Asahi is afraid of dudes.

We return to the present. Haruyoshi is chucking that vomit and crying like a man denied his football. In comes Asahi who offers Haruyoshi a handkerchief to wipe off his barf. Haruyoshi looks at Asahi in shock, most likely because she hasn’t gone bat shit crazy and urinating despite him being a man. Then he starts to cry even more.

“I became an adult before you. And one day, you too will become an adult like me.” (barfing into toilets and reminiscing about how you almost cut off your testicles)

The end.

…

Well, how’d everyone like the story? My favorite part was the WTF…oh wait, that was everything. From Haruyoshi cross dressing, to no one blinking over why Asahi had the disheveled state in the beginning of the chapter to Haruyoshi actually contemplating whacking his man friend off to the realization that Haruyoshi likes little kids…it was all one giant wtf. Ah, but it’s stories like this entertain me so much ~ It’s nice to have something different every now and then.

I’ll keep my eyes open on anymore WTF shojo I encounter. There’s another one in this edition of the The Hana to Yume magazine I want to write about in the future ~ :3