Ayanashi no Kimi chapter 1
The story starts with a man and woman kissing. However, what’s different about this scene is the fact the guy is melting. Nothing says this shit is hot like someone falling apart like butter on a corn of cob.
“When our lips meet, you’ll disappear”
Corn Cob, now just a head and a random left hand (cuz nothing says sexy like a disemboweled left hand), smiles. He tells the girl “thank you” before shedding a buttery tear and becoming gas.
The girl watches him before falling over. I would too – that guy was hella ugly.
Two people are standing in the distance, watching her topple. The one looking like he’s hurting hard for Kingdom Hearts 3 comes over and picks the girl up.
He whispers her name: “Itsuki” but she doesn’t respond since she’s unconscious and all.
He mumbles she must have been affected by the Corn Cob man – his evidence being the limp hot dog also known as her body currently draped over his arm like a butler’s towel.
Also her snoring.
The man tells Itsuki he’ll take care of the rest – not sure why he keeps talking to her like she’s actually paying attention to him. She’s out, dude
But again, hurting for Kingdom Hearts 3 so he’s not thinking right.
The man opens a foldable fan and pretty much just fans the gas away from them. GTFO spirit.
In this world, there are beings called “Onryou” who mumbo around, being little shits. The people believe these Onryou to be harbingers of disasters and so fear them.
We jump to a building. Inside, another man and woman are chatting. The woman is worried about her husband who has fallen ill. She believes the cause is an Onryou. The guy – Fujiwarano Michinaga – tells her to grab his tits and calm them. His friend is currently on the prowl for the Onryou so all will be fine soon.
Just then, some person who is so insufficient to the plot, they don’t even get a face, appears and tells the two the husband has recovered from his illness. The wife smiles and Michinaga is like, BOOYAH IN YOUR FACE! CALLED IT!
Before he gets ready to roll out, the wife asks the name of Michinaga’s bestie who helped her husband out. He tells her he can’t tell her, for his friend doesn’t want a lot of likes and followers, but he’ll give her his friend’s WOW screen name:
Joukonjutsushi (Spirit Purifier)
But for my summary, we’re just going to go with “Mr. Clean”
Michinaga leaves and runs into the guy from the beginning of the chapter: Katsuragi…but I’m calling him Mr. Clean cuz I have that power.
Michinaga is like, bro sup! Good work. That lady I was playing rock paper scissors with for the past hour while you were doing things? Her husband is doing better. Must be cuz you got rid of the Onryou… (you know what, I’m calling them Boo Boos. Screw this).
Mr. Clean tells Michinaga the husband’s illness had nothing to do with the Boo Boo.
Michinaga: the fuck?
Mr. Clean explains the Boo Boo, when alive, had a hardon for the wife. But he never got to tap her ass, so died a very sexually frustrated man. When he tried to approach the wife in his Boo Boo form, she was all, THE MINION OF SATAN APPROACHS! JESUS SAVE ME, scaring him off.
Mr Clean: Boo Boo’s emotions are what cause shit to go south. That’s why we need to kick their asses onto the next train to heaven or hell or wherever we banish their spiritual buns to.
Michinaga: why are you telling me this like I don’t know what a Boo Boo is. We’ve done this for how many years?
Mr. Clean: just shut up and nod.
So Michinaga nods. It’s a little sad the guy died with his boner never being satisfied, but at least they got the wife to smile again…not really their doing, but more modern medicine and the immune system, but details! He then asks where Itsuki is. Mr. Clean tells Michinaga she’s passed out in the car.
Michinaga: oh perfect. So let me ask you. Any of your WOW buddies every mention a “Ayanashi no Kimi” on your forums?
It’s now daylight. Itsuki awakens and lets out a huge yawn. She tells us readers her chest hurts (probably from lying face down passed out cold on her tits). She speculates if she fell unconscious when she was absorbing the Boo Boo’s power? (…no comment)
Someone calls out to her. Some guy with a bird on his shoulder. She offers a good morning to him and he laughs. It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon, you slow cow :J
She starts to get nervous. Mr. Clean is a man who likes tardiness as much as he likes grease stains on his oven, and he does not like grease stains. She starts to get ready to change when she notices her comb has been damaged.
Her: fuck, you kidding me? First I fall ass up after that mission, now I damage my brush? Shit, should I just slit my wrists here and now?
The guy, Miyoshi, is like, slow your roll honey. I can get you a new one. Thing looks like something from the Ye Old Dollar General.
Her: “I’m sorry but…this comb is irreplaceable”
Miyoshi: sure it is. See, I just found amazon is selling a bunch of those. I have prime so it’ll get here tomorrow :J
Itsuki explains the comb was given to her by her childhood friend, before he left to become a man. Not sure why a comb but you know what. I remember when I was in HS, I’d go into a knife fight before I would give up a dollar to anyone so that $0.99 comb must have been a lot for him to part with that dollar.
After hearing her story, Miyoshi tells Itsuki he’ll fix the comb.
Miyoshi: of course! And by fixing, I mean throwing this in the garbage and buying a new one with my prime subscription :J girl, you think you can tell the difference?
Having wasted time on the past, Itsuki goes off to find Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean owns the huge complex Itsuki lives at. His family is known for their powers of purification. Itsuki lives with him because her parents died a while ago and she had no one to take her in. For some reason, he offered his doors to her.
Mr. Clean is a man who likes people as much as he likes a toilet bowl ring. He spends most of his time holed up in his room, cleaning with his magic eraser and leaking his all-purpose cleaner all over the place. He only comes out for when clients request his aid.
Itsuki is nervous, because like I said, right now Mr. Clean should be scrubbing himself. He gives her some stuff, saying it’s her reward for yesterday’s job (courtesy of Michinaga). He warns her that just because she got a snapton of stuff, that doesn’t mean she should be getting a Brazilian wax just yet – Michinaga is a corndog who has more pussy than a crazy cat lady.
Itsuki: …how elegantly worded
He then asks her: “Do you have someone you love?”
Naturally Itsuki is all levels of blush because wtf???
Mr. Clean explains she’s a grown woman. Naturally that means the hormones should be kicking in and making her want to jiggle her hips at someone, right?
Itsuki thinks about it. Sure she’s surrounded by handsome guys – Michinaga, the man who’ll touch anything with boobs; Her childhood friend Hatsuka, the guy who gave her a plastic Barbie comb before leaving to grow some hairs on his chest and balls; and Miyoshi, who is actually more girl than guy….
Itsuki: …wow not the best choices out there D:
Mr. Clean: HOW ABOUT THIS – HAVE YOU SUCKED SOMEONE’S LIPS STRAIGHT OFF THEIR FACE? LIKE, TONGUED HIM SO HARD YOU ALMOST KNOCKED A TOOTH OUT???
Her: wtf!? No!
(except for that fugly Boo Boo but he dead so that don’t count)
Itsuki explains she’s a member of Mr. Clean’s Cleaning Crew. She doesn’t have the best male options time to severe a person’s tongue with the power of her French kissing.
Mr. Clean: OK JUST CHECKING CUZ SEE. THERE’S THIS RUMOR. AND AT FIRST WHEN MICHINAGA TOLD ME ABOUT IT, I THOUGHT IT WAS A SPECIAL RAID BOSS, AND I NEARLY WET MYSELF BECAUSE I WASN’T AT A COMPUTER AND I DIDN’T WANT TO MISS THE LOOT. BUT NO IT ACTUALLY HAS TO DO WITH YOU THANK SNORLAXER. SEE PEOPLE SAY YOU GO AROUND LOCKING LIPS WITH DUDES AND INHALE SO HARD YOU RIP THE SOULS FROM THEIR BODY, KILLING THEM. SO LIKE, ALL THE GUYS ARE FREAKED OUT BY YOU, BECAUSE THEY’RE SCARED YOU’RE GONNA BREAK INTO THEIR HOUSES AT NIGHT AND TEAR THE SOULS RIGHT OUT OF THEIR NOSTRILS WITH YOUR KILLER KISS.
That is literally the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Are you for real? (ಠ_ಠ)
Mr. Clean: I’m so real, I’m genuine.ɾ◉⊆◉ɹ
Mr. Clean gets a look of either grumpy worry or constipation. He tells Itsuki even though he’s the one who taught her how to defeat ghosts with her lips, there’s still lots of things they don’t know about her powers. Like how it would work on living people. I mean hell, it could be possible she could steal the souls of the living and be known as the Reaper’s Fish Lips
Itsuki: WASN’T IT AYANASHI NO KIMI???
Until they have a better idea of Itsuki’s powers (guess the 7 years she’s been training under him wasn’t enough time to garner any results), she is not to kiss any living people.
“Promise me, you won’t kiss any living men”
Itsuki leaves and cries in her room. To be known as the Reaper’s Fish Lips, stealing souls. It’s like being treated as a Boo Boo. And after she worked so hard to pay back Mr. Clean for all his kindness…
The chapter ends with someone banging on the estate’s gate. Miyoshi opens the door and is like, you little shits! It’s 2 in the morning. Someone better have died to be waking me this late!
Some guy that looks like he should be in elementary school approaches, bruised and bloody. Apparently he’s the Police Chief, Hayami.
The scene changes to Itsuki being awoken from her sleep. Someone better be dying…
Miyoshi appears and hands her a bloodied letter…from her childhood friend Hatsuka!