Himitsu no Ouji-sama Cafe (The Secret Prince Cafe)
Sara is an unremarkable young girl who spends her days working at the library in the Kingdom of Ulysses. One day, her father collapses from fatigue and tasks her with an important mission. Hidden deep in the basement of the library is…a secret cafe for royalty…and she’s to be their attendant???
Oh Next Comic F, don’t ever lose that Disney sparkle. I mean, a bunch of princes gathering in a library basement to drink tea and pip pip with one another? The hell? xD How does no one notice their absences (cuz they hang out down there a lot)? And why a basement of all places? Also, why’s Sera’s dad running the Royal Starbucks in the first place? Is it cuz he used to be nobility but got that title stripped when he married a commoner?
So many questions that honestly even if answered wouldn’t change the story haha
Then you have the princes, flavored like a bag of skittles. There’s the happy one, the big sister one, the grumpy one, and the latecomer who you’re like, hmmm.
(it’s easy to figure out which one Sara gets with :P)
The main premise on the whole story is Sara interacting with the princes and us learning that she had a childhood friend that was royalty but he got beaned in the coconut by a loose brick. Since then, she hasn’t seen her friend/first love (she doesn’t even know if he’s alive…I mean, brick to the head…kinda hard to survive that <- but shit bitch, didn’t stick around to see if the paramedics were going to come at least??) but she keeps his memento (a little magnifying lens) close to her heart and it gives her strength. Especially given the insane pacing of this story:
You have dad falling over coughing up his spleen. This causes him to task Sara with taking care of his secret boys club downstairs. The princes are cool with her except Grumpy. He’s like, fuck off ho. I don’t care if your dad is blasting off from the bowels, I don’t want no woman here. But she wins him over and he’s changes his mind – ok you’re cool. But I’m not going to stop being grumpy. It’s my thing. The next chapter has the boys throwing a cafe event for the ladies to get the bitches off their scent (someone saw the princes at the library (surprised it took this long for them to be discovered) and ladies from all over who want a piece of that million dollar D are scouring the library shelves for their moby dicks). After being a metaphorical dick, Grumpy tries to be sweet but then latecomer prince appears and exclaims he’s a comin’ to cockblock by revealing that he’s Sara’s old flame. Grumpy gets super pissy to the point where he makes Sara cry and the other princes are all, oh don’t cry – Grumpy the hell?
Happy prince then decides to have a personality change, goes evil, and shanks all-the-crossdressing prince (what?). He throws the body in the river and starts singing about how evil he is. Sara is unaware of this as she’s with cockblocking prince who is like, hey look at this door. Yeah wonder what this door does. You have a nice rack of keys there. Wanna see which one of those opens this door? Let’s do it. Let’s open the door. Sara hesitates because…why so horny for the door? Before cockblocking prince can whine about the door more, Happy now Evil prince comes in and cracks cockblocking prince’s brain cage with the hilt of his stabbing sword. Happy now Evil prince explains that cockblocking prince isn’t a real prince. He’s just some dude (what). Now…the keys. Sara fights and is almost rammed through the gullet when Grumpy appears and screams for Happy now Evil prince to get his muttonchops off Sara. They fight and Sara jumps in between them, unable to stand them fighting. Grumpy pulls her away from being skewered and Happy now Evil prince scolds her angrily – you could have been killed!
Uh, weren’t you trying to do that earlier????
Grumpy asks Happy now Evil prince that he’s after the Goddess Tears right?
Sara: the what?
Me: yeah the what? (literally 20 pages left and we’re pulling this out now?)
It’s what’s behind the door. Happy now Evil prince explains that he’s the third in line for the throne. He has two meat slabs known as his brothers standing in his way to the thrown. If he can show them something chocolaty awesome cool, then he can be the next king. Thus…the Goddess Tears!
Grumpy: yeah hope you plan on being disappointed
They look behind the door and it’s literally just an underground lake with shiny water.
Grumpy: behold our national treasure – an aquifer!
Seeing this, Happy now Evil gets distraught and decides that he’s now going to change his title to “Happy was Evil now Suicidal” prince and tries to kill himself cuz he went evil for no reason and he’s now killed a man in his evil path. However, Man Lady Man Prince appears and is like, I’m not dead. Cuz you stabbed this book I just happen to keep on me at all times right above my kidney…specifically the left one.
Man Lady Man Prince: now stop being Evil and Suicidal my friend. Just go back to being happy and we’ll never talk of this again. Won’t even mention this in the next two books.
Happy was Evil and Suicidal but now Happy again prince: ok :D
The series ends with Sara telling Grumpy “fuck my first love. Fuck his magnifying lens – piece of shit” *throws it into the cavern water* “He was a loser anyway – who gives a girl a magnifying lens? I like you, sweet cheeks.”
Grumpy dives after the magnifying lens like it’s porn. He tells the girl not to chuck his shit around – bitch needs new glasses cuz this is a fine magnifying lens. Any girl would be happy to have it. That’s when we all learn he’s the childhood friend/first love and they go in for the kiss but he gets Grumpy at the last second (when he sees Man Lady Prince and Happy Prince peeking on him and Sara). Life continues. The end.
Really that’s a lot going on for a one tank series haha. Was interesting and oh so very very corny but I had a fun time with the ride. The art was super shojo cute which is nice ~ I’m sad there was no furigana so I could’t fully enjoy the story. A lot of kanji I hadn’t encountered before (or if I had, not in that combination) so I could only half get what was going on (when they started going into historical things I pretty much just skimmed because ain’t no one got time for that :P).
Another book down in my quest to read all the Next Comic F books I can find :J