Originally written back in 01.2016
Haha! Finally got around to reading the Summer Issue of Emerald! Poor thing has been sitting in my “To Read” backlog pile for awhile (along with the Winter issue). I had actually read the magazine before I left for the holidays but never got around to writing a post on it. So…I just re-read because why not? Enjoy ~
Troublemaker by Hashiba Maki chapter 1 *new series*
Junjou Romantica by Nakamura Shungiku chapter 41
Super Lovers by Abe Miyuki chapter 26, EX.02, and EX.03
Sekaiichi Hatsukoi – Onodera Ritsu no Baai by Nakamura Shungiku chapter 21
Sasaki-san wa Kare Ga Suki? (Sasaki-san Loves Him?) by Tammy Hakoishi chapter 5 *final chapter*
Hakkenden by Abe Miyuki chapter 56
Toshishita Kareshi ni Semararetemasu(My Younger Boyfriend is Pressuring Me) by Aiba Kyouko chapter 6
Aru Hi Hyouhen Shita Shinyuu ni Kokuhaku Saremashita (~ I was Suddenly Confessed to by My Best Friend who Did a 180 in Personality) by Sugihara Chako chapter 1 & 2
Kamisama Darling by Aiba Kyouko chapter 7 & 8
Dousemou Nigerarenai (No Matter What You Do, You Can’t Escape Me) by Masara Minase chapter 5 *final chapter*
Troublemaker – omg was this a novel or a manga? There were so many speech bubbles I don’t even remember what the character’s faces looked like… Regardless, the very detailed story is we have our main character T who is blessed with awesome luck. He could jump off a cliff and walk away just fine, maybe with a couple of hundred dollars in his pocket cuz that’s how lucky he is. One day, he finds a stray kitten and decides to take it home because kitten. While walking home, he sees a dude standing under a tree, playing with his drone (the plane, not his penis, just to clarify any confusion). Problem is, there’s a thunder storm and one thing you don’t do in manga is fuck around under a tree in a thunder storm. T rushes to rescue the dude because the second he bodyslams the guy away from the tree, the powers of manga cause the tree to be hit by an extremely violent bolt of lightning (like, we’re talking this particular lightning strike had a long standing grudge against this tree that finally erupted into a physical manner. I’ve never seen a tree beaten this bad before…). Rather than be happy, the dude is like, wtf, much to T’s surprise (T: I uh saved you tho?). After verbally rebuking T, the dude runs off to poop or whatever. T shrugs and grabs his bag that he fucking hurled like a frisbee to save the dude but lol it’s not his (cuz his has a cat inside it and this one doesn’t – yeah, now reread that sentence again knowing the contents of said bag). T goes home and is thinking about what he can do about the cat. Will that asshole he saved be nice to the cat or will that cat be kicked to the curb? As if sensing his thoughts, the doorbell rings and look who is at the door, kitty carrier in hand? Asshole! T is super happy but Asshole says he has as condition before he’ll return the cat – T has to hang out with him.
T: ok, just want to clarify…but by “hang out”, are we talking in a “let’s be bros and scoop out chicks” manner or in a “let’s be bros and stick out dicks in the other’s ass” manner? This is in a BL magazine but it claims that there’s shojo too so I’m not sure what category we plan on falling into.
Asshole: what? I’m not gay.
T: that’s what they all say, but then they realize they’re in a yaoi
The reason Asshole, real name K, wants T around is cuz he has no friends and his grandpa is like, your ass better get some friends or you’ll be lonely. K is a grandpa’s boy so he’s determined to get a friend to show to his grandpa, even if he has to kidnap someone’s pet and hold it ransom to get one.
The condition for the cat is that T has to be friends with K for a month. At the end of the month is a school festival and K’s gramps will be making an appearance. There, the two will fake it and then the cat is T’s. Since we have a month, T hangs with K cuz K said so. And the more T hangs with K, the sadder K looks in his mind. I mean sad as in pathetic. When he said he didn’t have friends, it shows. I mean, K can’t even tell T’s kindness is the real thing or not.
Also, K has super bad luck. In the barely 1 month span of their contract, he’s fallen off stairs, got hit by a car, and – oh almost forgot that earlier bit where he nearly turned into pikachu when that lightning bolt hit.
When T gets a scratch from protecting K from an exploding plane (o__O), K decides to end their contract. He tells T that he is super unlucky and doesn’t want T to end up dying with him.
T: dude, it’s not that serious. Also, you have my cat still…
On the day of the school festival, T is running around looking for K. He meets K’s grandpa who is like, the fuck you breaking my grandson’s heart, harlot??? Lol jk he’s a good kid but dumb as fuck. Then grandpa’s phone rings and T nabs it. Before he can say “look you catnapping dick tickler” K tells his “grandpa” that T really isn’t his friend and that he forced T to be his friend but if he could, he would have liked to be friends with T. But it doesn’t look like that’s happening since the Forever 21 he was shopping in caught on fire and for some reason his ass was hanging in the stairwell so he’s trapped.
T: the hell you’re dying!
T: you still have my cat motherfucker!
T rushes off to the store and rescues K. I’m not sure how, since K said he was trapped and couldn’t escape yet when T appears, all is good via the entrance he used. So that leads me to think that either T has such super luck that the flames parted for him, or K is an idiot and didn’t bother trying to look for a way out and instead decided lying on the ground dramatic was the best course of action.
The story ends with the two as friends and the cat is back with T.
Honestly, I’d like the story to end right here. I like the “let’s be bros and scoop out chicks” relationship they have. Plus, I can’t see either of these two ramming each other. But this is a BL mag so that’s probably what’s going to happen, whether I want it or not lol.
Junjou Romantica – Misaki is lamenting about writing his graduating thesis (I feel ya bro) and wants a change of scenery to inspire his creative juices. Usagi complies by knocking Misaki out cold via alcohol and moving him to one of his family’s spare houses.
While there, Usagi’s bro comes in and they talk about who will be the successor to the Usami business. This then leads to looking into Usagi’s past and really you just want to give the little possessive shit a hug.
Aru Hi Hyouhen Shita Shinyuu ni Kokuhaku Saremashita – honestly, this title feels like Tonari no Banken, only the characters switched personalities (and the one character’s IQ has been upped from a second grader to one appropriate for his age). For this tale, we’re still in the college setting. On his 20th birthday, Eita’s BFF suddenly confesses he’s in love with Eita and that when they were younger, Eita made a promise to become the BFF’s boyfriend. Eita becomes conflicted because 1.) what the hell I don’t remember shit about a promise like that (the first we met was at college!), 2.) how did we go from relationship status: bros to “do you want to change your relationship status to butt buddies??” and 3.) I don’t want to lose my BFF so is gay the only way? Yeah, it was really weird. Fucking BFF Kijima confessed and then gave Eita the cold shoulder until Eita made his mind up about Kijima’s confession. And I guess Eita (despite being super popular with the ladies, unbeknownst to him) has only Kijima as a friend (I think Kijima chases all possible friends away, cuz he’s jealous and possessive like that) and like a person with a blog with 2 followers, he’ll do anything to keep those 2 followers, even letting a penis go into his ass. And that’s how their relationship starts. Eita being a pushover and Kijima being jealously possessive to anything that comes within 40 feet of Eita but dere in the bedroom.
Kamisama Darling – the number of god boyfriends just keeps increasing haha (though the newest one doesn’t seem interested in the main character, since he jealous choked the shit out of the main character, thinking he was playing around with his man. Once things were cleared up, the new character now wants to be guy girlfriends and paint each other’s nails and talk about boys and shit. Main guy: (눈_눈) so we’re just going to forget that whole strangulation thing huh?). Sounds like more gods are going to make an appearance, in the form of bad brotherly love.
Toshishita Kareshi ni Semararetemasu – Manaka wants to be buds with Ogi’s little brother but Ogi tells him to stay away from his bro. Due to miscommunication, Manaka thinks Ogi doesn’t want him to be near the bro because he’s gay and is ashamed of that (*shrugs). But lol it turns out the brother is actually horny for Manaka. Brother explains that after he saw Manaka getting rammed from behind by Ogi (Manaka: WHAT!?!), he wants to tap that ass too (Manaka: D:). But before anything can happen, Ogi pops up and is like, no *spritz younger brother in the face with water*. He explains to a confused Manaka that he and his brother share similiar tastes…and apparently that applies to men (*shrugs), thus why he wanted Manaka to stay away from his brother’s needy penis. That resolved, they sex and the end.
Sekaiichi Hatsukoi – Onodera Ritsu no Baai – Onodera still being stubborn. We learn Mino has a kid (well, it’s his nephew but he’s raising the kid cuz Mino’s sis died and the father’s whereabouts are no unknown).
Sasaki-san wa Kare Ga Suki? – last chapter. The main characters act like silly squirrels, worrying the other has gotten tired of them. But because this is the last chapter, they realize they’re both dumb for thinking that and go take a bath together. End. Was a cute little story. Gonna miss it. But I’d rather the tale end here, then with stupid pointless drama… (
Dousemou Nigerarenai – wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwtttttttttttttttttttttffffffff?
So this is the last chapter of that stupid rapey yaoi – and the way the last chapter ended, I was expecting this to be going down horribly – butt rapings, beatings, screaming, crying – like how usually yaois go when the pitcher is angry.
I did NOT see this coming at all. WTF? WTF? I mean, props for doing something different but still -the fuck. If you wanted to redeem this pitcher’s character that badly, maybe you shouldn’t have made him a rapey dick in the first place person who wrote this. Just sayin’.
Last we left off, R is like “yo we’re breaking up”. F is confused and asks why. R responds that it’s because he loves F. He loves F so that’s it. Their association is over.
F: I need to go make an appointment to get my eyes checked out because I’m not seeing the reason for our breakup
R: that was fucking dumb as shit
R tells F he doesn’t want a fake love. Back in chapter 1, F told R he was going to make R fall for him. Well, that’s not real love if only R is invested. R isn’t interested in being in love with a guy that’s deceitful and uses trickery to make R fall in love with him.
(Um R…that’s not called “trickery” – that’s called “rape.” Son, do you not watch the news or is it you just don’t know what the definition of the word is (google???) because that is what he did to you. It was not consensual. It wasn’t…it wasn’t goddawmn trickery wtf R???)
F’s gets flustered. “Wait a minute. I did that because I liked you, and I don’t know, I thought that was the best option”
(Fucking F, really!? Really, you thought playing drunk and then forcing your friggin limp dick into his ass was a good way to show him you care???? On what planet!?)
He repeats that he loves R and then starts to cry.
The motherfucker starts to cry.
Oh my gawd
I thought R would be the one crying since he was going to get his ass BEATEN (along with his face) but it’s fucking F! F is the one letting the tears out.
F: .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·. I love you .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·..·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·. .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·..·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.
R starts to freak out because wtf. He ushers F into his apartment and I won’t lie – I totally thought “F is faking it. Once he gets inside, he’s going to beat the shit out of R, howling: “Try to break up with me, bitch. Going to rape my emotions into you!”.” But no, F wasn’t faking it and is still crying horribly inside R’s apartment. R asks why F is crying.
F: .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·. It’s cuz you were a bitch to me outside and you said you don’t like me wahhhhhhh
(pssfftt, it’s so disgusing haha. I don’t know how to take this. I’m laughing looking at his face and thinking, you little bitch. When R was crying in chapter 1, you didn’t care. You just continued on. But now that you’re the one crying…R I’m surprised you aren’t conflicted.)
F continues to cry like a little ho, about how this is the first time he’s ever felt like this and how it hurts. He hugs R and pulls him to him, telling him he loves R (even if he did rape R back in chapter 1, but it was a deed filled with love).
(I don’t think that’s how rape works F…)
R is trying to keep his resolve. He doesn’t want to break apart F’s family with their gay. But as F continues to cry and profess his love, R gets conflicted. This is the first time he’s ever seen F cry like a little bitch (I mean, they’ve only been together for like three days, but still). And if it’s one thing R is weak to, it’s little bitch tears.
Since we’re running out of pages, R breaks and tells F he loves F and he’ll believe in their love.
(Me: *rubs temples*)
(Really, did that first chapter never happen? Do the memories of that day not flash before your eyes R?? Do you not remember how much of a dick he was for like…all the chapters!??? Now since he’s crying, he’s been redeemed??? ლ(ಠ_ಠლ))
So they’re now back on (F: *fist pump*). R apologizes in his head to little bro since he’s gonna keep F because he’s got issues.
They then start to make out because why the fuck not. There are several pages of making out. Then they have playful banter while making out. “Remember the first time when it was not consensual – now it is hee.”
So now that leaves with with the major question – what about the little brother and his fear of the family being destroyed by F and R’s relationship?
Well, turns out that F figured it out that R wanted to break up with him because of F’s younger brother and brother issues (how? Never told how). He tells R that everything’s ok with his brother now ;J Cuz see…during a trip back to visit his family for a reason that was also never explained, his younger brother was like “I still can’t believe that little bitch is making you gay >:( ” But F spins the conversation by telling his younger brother he’s happy the little brother found out.
Brother: making you shove your dick up his wait what?
F tells the brother that his relationship is not something he can talk to others about – not his friends (he has friends?), not his parents, no one…except the little brother. F turns on the charm – my brother, can I ask you to keep my secret? To not tell a soul about it? ლ(∘◕ƹ◕ლ)
The little brother nearly fires his load in happiness – of course brother! I’ll keep your secret! I’ll tell them all those ass condoms are mine! Heeeeeeehhhhh <3
F: ╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑ ＂ah yis
Back to the present – F is smiling in the background, proud of himself. R side eyes him before telling F that even though F talks a big game, the truth is he really loves his brother. R pulls out some brochures for schools with good soccer programs. R tells a stunned F that he found the brochures while looking under F’s bed for his porn (wtf). F has been investigating good schools to recommend to the brother.
F: asdlkfjasl;kfjalksfjlak;sd ٩(\\\◕ั ௰ ◕ั\\\ )و *tackle*
And they fall onto F’s bed and play fight. The series ends with R thinking “Just like the first time we met, I was captured by you and I can never escape. I love you.”
That’s it. That’s the end. Ok wtf. Wtf? This whole chapter was a 180, man. We went from F being a rapist asshole to a friggin jealous rapist asshole to a manipulative bastard asshole to now this guy. It’s like the editor was reading the last chapter and decided “you know what, this guy really sucks. Let’s try to redeem him…I know, make him cry! No no no, I know you want to make him rape the main character but you know what, let’s…try a different approach now. We keep going as we are, we’re probably going to end up in jail for endorsing this. Just make him cry. It’s something different. It makes us feel bad for him. Like, you know what, all that shit he did before, it’s not that serious.”
I literally don’t understand shit of what I just read. Are we endorsing Stockholm Syndrome??? D:
…..and ok. Done ranting ~
Nothing worth noting here. Pretty much everyone who didn’t end in this issue will be present and accounted for in the Winter issue :J Kamisama Darling will don the Winter issue.