Chapter 32 #Diagnosis
Last we left off, the dwarves stumbled in to find Alice and Snow up close and personal with each other. Snow explains that a now stunned Alice was checking to see if something had fallen into her eye. See, Alice is in his bewildered state because he’s currently staring at the barrel of not just a rocket launcher but also the razor sharp blade of a katana. The only reason he’s not Alice in Hades is due to Crazy using them whips and chains to bind the other two heavily armed dwarves. While staring at the sight before her, Snow asks a question we’re all eager to hear: “Why are you here?” Crazy decides to explain the situation since his friends are sort of…indisposed at the moment (translation: hog tied like vermits at a Tuesday hoedown). He tells her that since she’s been here awhile and quite frankly hasn’t got any shit done towards making Alice the king (Crazy: “We’re on volume #5 and we’re no closer to the end then we were at vol #1 Come on now.”), they’ve stopped by to help her out. So…looking forward to working with you, buddy :D *extends hand to Alice* Alice slaps away Crazy’s hand like it was an offensive turd fashioned into his likeness. He’s like, “fuck you people and your fucking crazy weapons that would have killed me three pages ago had you sir not stopped your friends from doing so and I’m probably not doing any favors to myself by dissing you with my rant I’m about to spew out but I’m Alice motherfucking…Alice and I don’t do smart things. You’re all just in it to make me the king and that’s it. Well suck my well endowed cock because I don’t want none of that. You’re all just thinking this is a game and it makes me SICK (Snow: “Uh, I’m kind of in that category with them. I’m helping because I want to go home…no? Okay then.”) Well, it’s MORE than a game, good sirs! This is some SERIOUS. SHIT. Like, we’re talking rockHARD shit. The kind that causes your butt to bleed a little when it passes. I don’t know what you people are up to, sending Snow (who he affectionately refers to as “this dumbass”) and now showing up armed and dangerous but I ain’t playing. NO TRUST NO TRUST NO TRUST NO TRUST!”
Alice and Crazy stare off. Lucky for Alice, before things can turn physical (which always ends poorly for him), Hatter wheels in and wants Alice to make him a sandwich. He notices the three dwarves and instead instructs them to make him a sandwich. Them: “wtf?” and so next page they’re in the kitchen to making Hatter a sandwich. Them: “(`ФωФ’) the fuck just happened?” Alice asks Hatter “how the fuck did you do that!?” when they’re alone in Hatter’s mancave.
(Hatter has cameras in the kitchen and they’re watching the dwarves to see what kind of people they are.)
Hatter: “(o◕ω^o) *winku*”
Fear the Hatter…
Anyway, the dwarves decide to take their rage out on the food prep. Somehow, guns, katanas, and whips are part of making a meal. Don’t remember seeing that on the Cooking Channel but maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention. Something about Rachael Ray and whips is kinda disturbing… Naturally both Alice and Hatter are like, “uhhhhhhhh” at the screen. Snow stumbles into the kitchen and says halla. She asks if she can help out with anything. While talking with the Dwarves, we learn that Snow has only remembered up to a certain point. Snow gets nervous about not remembering everything and gets a little down. Before she can go into full out emo mode, Grumpy shoves some food in her mouth. He tells her to chilax. It’ll come to her in time. Besides, f her memories. Being half amnesic doesn’t change that she’s a very important person to the dwarves. They’re all waiting for her to come back home. At his words, Snow recalls the Red King’s words to her back in vol…2 I think. “Is the place you’re going back to where you belong?” Snow starts to really cry not just because of Grumpy’s words but because the food he shoved in her mouth was really spicy. Turns out the jar he grabbed that had “salt” written backwards on it was actually “Tabasco sauce” hur.
Hatter, after watching the exchange, is like, “I like them. They’re staying.” Alice freaks. WHAT!? Hatter explains, “my house, my rules.” Plus look at those gun totting rednecks. Alice’s side could use some offensive strength. I mean, there’s only him and Dormouse…and Dormouse has more balls then Alice. Hatter and March are with Alice now only because the Queen of Hearts fucking killed him and that made things personal…
Unhappy with the truth, Alice gives in and accepts Hatter’s decision.
The chapter ends with Alice coming out of the shower and bumping into Crazy (don’t worry, both are clothed – no butt rape happens though it kinda almost got there). Rather than be civil, Alice acts like a little bitch and tells Crazy he doesn’t trust him. Crazy responds by kicking Alice in the spinal cord. He then grabs Alice by the collar of his shirt. “HEY GUESS WHAT BITCH. WE DON’T LIKE YOUR UGLY FACE EITHER. YOU THINK WE THINK THIS IS A GAME? WELL I’LL RIP THAT TINY ASS DICK OF YOURS OFF AND MAKE YOU SUCK IT. THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT. NOT THE KIND THAT CAUSES BLOOD WHEN PASSING. IT FUCKING CAUSES A LEG TO FALL OFF WHEN LAUNCHING INTO A TOILET. WE’LL DO WHATEVER WE HAVE TO GET SNOW BACK. EVEN IF IT MEANS BREATHING THE SAME STANK AIR AS YOU. SO GOODNIGHT!” The two part. Both hating each other more if that’s possible. In the last panel, we see Cheshire holding onto Alice’s necklace.
Chapter 33 #Jealousy
Majority of the beginning chapter deals with Alice and the Dwarves squabbling amongst themselves. The real meat starts when Snow finds Alice raging in a random room. When asked where the dwarves are, he tells her he locked them up in the library to learn about manners. Turns out the dwarves were accosting everyone that came into the café, treating the customers like enemies. What’s worst is that they inadvertently managed to find an uncover agent of the castle. Alice grumbles about how much the dwarves suck. Snow freaks and tells Alice the dwarves are nice guys and Alice just needs to be more friendly with them. Alice looks at Snow like she just took a shit in front of him and then devoured the evidence. “Excuse?” He tells her the main reason for all this is because of Snow. She’s just smiling like everything’s fine while they’re picking fights with him. Rather than take offense, Snow gets depressed because she has low self esteem and thinks she’s causing interference with the brobonding between Alice and the Dwarves.
Alice: “No, what I mean is you don’t say anything about when they take turns punching me. A little, ‘hey that’s not nice’ would be awesome. It’s not you specifically that’s causing this..well…kinda…”
Snow says she’s going to leave so he can be alone with the dwarves to touch dicks and Alice goes, “oh the hell you aren’t. I’ll get physical.”
Snow then yells at Alice, “why you gotta always be so rude!?”
Alice: :U this bitch just Magic-ed me!
Hatter appears and intervenes again, dragging off a stunned Alice. Snow storms off, grumbling about Alice and his man-PMS. She recalls their time in the Garden of Live Flowers. She thinks he’s better when he’s not angry. Hell, if he’d stop with the “yell first, think later” tactic, he and the dwarves would be so tight, they’d be forming their own K-Pop band, Pants Optional.
Her thoughts are disturbed when a door flies opens in front of her. A traumatized Happy runs away, screaming that how the letters are trying to kill him. Grumpy chases after him, telling him to be a man and get back to reading. Off in their own world, the two miss seeing Snow. Inside the room is Crazy, reading. Snow recalls that Alice said he locked the dwarves in the library to learn tact. He wasn’t kidding. She looks at the wall in front of Crazy and notices there is a hole where a wall used to be. Inside is a cache of books.
Crazy explains they need to learn more about Mirror to understand how to tackle things. When asked why they didn’t just ask Alice, Crazy smiles and pretty much says “fuck Alice.” This is when Snow begins to see, hey maybe it’s not just Alice that’s the problem. Bonding is a two way street after all.
Crazy then asks Snow what she knows about Mirror. She says she doesn’t know much. When asked if she even asked Alice for details, she explains that no, she was too busy doing shit.
Crazy ಠ_ಠ “I can see that.”
He then goes, “you’re not the type that likes to stick her nose in things, huh? You haven’t asked Alice ‘hey what’s up with you and this king thing because I got a home I need to go back to’ and you haven’t asked us ‘so…I know you guys…but only up to a certain point…wanna get a beer and catch up?’ Don’t care, don’t ask?”
Snow explains that it’s not that. She continues saying that a person’s memories are very deep and personal. You can’t just go up to someone and be like “so how’d you become an orphan? :)” If she can, she wants to be the one to remember – to experience everything firsthand.
Crazy is like “okay then.” ^^
Snow: (◉◞౪◟◉ ) ok?
He then remembers what Smart told them – “even if she asks, no. There’s some shit that’s better off not being known right away. She lived with 7 dudes. Seven. Dudes. That’s like minimum 7 penises…And you all know how we dudes do…with our penises. No one needs to be reminded of that all at once.”
As he’s reading another book, Snow stares at Crazy. She unexpectedly apologizes.
Crazy: ಠ_ಠ uh…there’s no need for that.
Snow responds that she doesn’t understand why but he looks very sad…thus the apology.
Crazy has a flashback. He and another boy are in the snow. Both are either covered in dirt or blood. I can’t really tell since the author uses this particular screentone for both. The other boy points to someone in the distance. “Look. That girl. Has some nice titties eh She’s the girl we cherish.” The girl looks a lot like Snow. We jump back to the present to see Crazy bending down towards Snow. However, his cock is blocked when Alice appears and pushes off Crazy.
Crazy then does some ninja shit and pulls Snow from Alice. With a pissed off look on his face, he asks if Alice has the hots for Snow.
Chapter 34 #Dormouse in Hot Pursuit
The last chapter in tank #5. It’s a pretty quick one. Dormouse spots the Cheshire Cat in town waving around Alice’s ring. Freaking out about why the cat has said ring, she starts to follow him. During her pursuit, she accidentally bumps into the White Rabbit who in turn starts to follow her. Dormouse ignores all of the White Rabbit’s attempts to talk with her. However, when he starts to diss Alice, she can’t keep quiet when her man’s name is being dug through the mud. The conversation can be broken down into this:
Dormouse: Why’d you betray Alice?
White Rabbit: I did it all because Alice sucks.
Dormouse: Well the Red King and you suck harder. We’re trapped in an endless time loop! Think of the people :(
White Rabbit: Who cares about those little shits? :)
Dormouse: *beats* WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER!? *leaves after urinating on a fallen White Rabbit*
The last we see of White is him mumbling how he could care less about people – he’s only interested in Dormouse. He then asks if anyone knows a way to get a girl to stop hating him.
Toning down the asshole would help, White.
Dormouse follows Cheshire into an old church. He’s swinging around Alice’s ring like it’s an aerial Skip-It. As she’s leaning into a flower bed to get a better view, White asks what it is she’s doing. Dormouse turns around, ready to beat more not so much suppressed rage into White only to find the person behind her isn’t White. It’s the Red King!
Scared, she slaps the Red King away. Unbeknownst to her, her hand used to unleash said bitch slappage was coated in dirt.
And we all know how the Red King loves dirt ~
The chapter ends with Dopey the dwarf waddling over to Mirror. He tells Mirror that Smart wants to touch dicks with him. Mirror doesn’t reply. Instead he’s too caught up in staring. Dopey looks past Mirror’s feathered boa and at the object of Mirror’s interest. We turn the page to see that Mirror is sitting on top of an open coffin, filled with flowers and a possibly dead person…a dead person who looks a lot like Snow.
Dopey comments that he wanted to go to meet Snow too. Someone clicks their tongue.
Is it me or are we getting more questions than answers? owo;