So awhile back I posted about my switch from Lala to Aria and let me tell you…Aria got some weirdass shit in it. I didn’t pay attention at first because I was distracted by the pretty pictures. July 2013 was actually the first issue of Aria I sampled before deciding to go with the switch. However, I didn’t read anything since most of the stuff inside was ongoing, and I was swamped by work but that’s another story. The thing I noticed though was that this issue had new stuff and the following issue was to have new things as well. Figuring this to be a sign, I decided to give Aria a go. 3 months later, my shelves now hold 4 issues, all untouched. Thankfully, I recently found some effort laying around and got around to reading the July issue.
And dude, whoa.
Just…let me tell you…no. Let me show you what was the first thing I saw…You know what. I’ll just link you to it. It’s kind of NSFW so make sure your parents aren’t right behind you. Click here to see what I saw. My first thought was: I have made a grave mistake. The second thought was, I am intrigued. Yeah, I’m a weirdo like that.
The weirdness didn’t just stop with the above image. Nope. The whole magazine was chock full of ( Д ) ﾟ ﾟ (SHOCK) moments. But you know, I didn’t mind it too much. Aria was definitely a nice break from the other stuff out there I’ve been reading. Still doesn’t change the fact the content was weird as fuck though haha.
Thus this post ~ I’ll be doing something similar like I do with Sylph. However, the main difference is I’ll only summarize a few series rather than the whole magazine. Don’t worry though, I’ll still include the cover pages for the other titles in Aria ~ Oogle at the art with me my flamingos ~ :3
Note that I wrote this preamble just now but the rest of the content was done over the weekend so sorry if after the cut things seem a bit jumbled at first ~ Enjoy!
With this issue of Aria we have:
- A creepy creeper whipping his penis out
- Lolicon power
- Body swapping and trying to get some with your brother who is now in your girl body and since you’re in the body of some other dude, your brother should be totally fine with everything because it’s not really incest anymore (though technically the brother and sister aren’t related…it’s just the brother has lived for like 15 years believing they are and it’s hard to look at someone who you see as your sister as someone you want to stick your dick in. Sis on the other hand has no problems with said dick).
- Internal squabbling over who should be the leader of the power rangers since said leader is currently a cat robbing people <- yes, you read that right.
- Third wheel angst over the fact his crush is dating an elementary school student (angster and crush are both in high school)
- Lessons for parents – delivering newspapers interferes too much with your child’s academic life but fucking girls to break their hearts is ok as a part time job
Based off an otome game, Geten no Hana follows a Kunoichi named Hotaru. She’s been enlisted to help protect a man named Oda Nobunaga. His story is he’s a guy out to kick ass and take names. This means he’s got a lot of enemies who don’t like or want their ass to get kicked. However, rather than watch from the shadows, Hotaru will protect him out in the open. Her employer poses her as his sister so she’ll be able to stay close to watch over Nobunaga. However, it’s not just Hotaru who’s protecting Da Man. He’s also got a group of hot guys watching his back, which is nice for both Hotaru and us because eye candy!
The first chapter serves as an introductory chapter to the story and the characters. While Hotaru might be a ninja, she’s kind of…dumb at it haha. While posing as her employer’s sister, she associates fancy people talk with samurai warrior talk and holds frogs in her bare hands, marking her as a weirdo. Thankfully, her mistakes instead interest Nobunaga since he tells her to be his wife.
Usotsuki Boyfriend Chapter 1
Another new series in Aria and damn…this thing is all levels of wrong :/ The protagonist of the story is a pretty boy named Yuuto. He lives with his two brothers, 14 year old Souta and 28 year old Naoya. Their parents died recently so it’s been up to Naoya to bring home the bacon so to speak. Naoya is a private investigator, something I guess mom and dad did before shojo killed them. However, right now, money is kind of tight and the family lives on time-sales and the kindness of others. Yuuto wants to get a part-time job to help his bro out but his bro says no. School is your job, son. Also, the brother doesn’t want Yuuto to figure out the reason he’s not home all the time isn’t because he’s working around the clock – it’s because he’s picking up ladies he meets on the streets and fucks them all night long.
At this point, I wondered how Aria didn’t see this and stop publication right here. But then again, if they didn’t blink at the part where a sister throws her panties at her brother and then straddles him with her snatch against his crotch, I guess a horny man getting some every night isn’t something they’d care too hard about.
(I told you people Aria had some weird ass shit going down)
While chilling in older bro’s office, a client comes in well before her appointment time. The client is an older lady who suspects her husband is cheating on her. Due to the nature of her suspicions, she wants the answer now: is he parking his BMW into parking garages other than her own or not?
Naoya: yes. He’s found a garage that isn’t as dusty and filled with spiders as yours is.
The client goes balls mad which is understandable, seeing as she just found out her husband is banging some other woman. Naoya tells her to grab her tits and calm them. Instead of doing that, the client tells Naoya that for 3 times the pay, she wants him to break up her husband and his hussy girlfriend. Naoya agree with no hesitation on his end. Why? Because he’s not the one who is going to be doing the work. It’ll be Yuuto!
Yuuto: ಠ_ಠ what?
Yup, Yuuto will be the one who gets the hussy. Yuuto is confused because he doesn’t know how he’ll do that. While beautiful as fuck, Yuuto’s hawtness has kept girls away from him so he’s completely dumb when it comes to women. Naoya tells Yuuto that since his face is awesome, it should be easy. All Yuuto has to do is get a little jiggy with her and all should be good.
Yuuto: WHAT!? YOU WON’T LET ME GET A JOB DELIVERING NEWSPAPERS BUT A JOB WHERE I GRIND AGAINST LADIES IS OK!? WTF!? WHAT WOULD MOM AND DAD SAY IF THEY WEREN’T DEAD!? щ(ಥДಥщ)
The brother tells Yuuto that this will be a good opportunity for Yuuto to get over his unease with girls (what dumbass would believe that!? Talking to girls is probably a good start, not shoving your dick in them!). Hearing the wisdom in his brother’s advice, Yuuto agrees to the job (oh son you did not).
As for the cheating husband, little brother Souya will handle that.
Souya: : Σ(ಠิωಠิ|||) I’m doing what?
We jump over to a bar where Yuuto is posing as a bartender. He makes contact with the hussy who is a student teacher at his school so she recognizes him instantly – since he’s hawt as fuck, duh. Yuuto responds with, oh, cool. Sorry, I don’t really remember you lol. She asks why he’s working at the bar even though he’s a minor. Yuuto explains he needs the money and asks her to keep quiet. She gets lusty and tells him that she’ll keep quiet if he keeps her company. Yuuto, being dumb as fuck, thinks she means she wants someone to talk with. Unfortunately no Yuuto, unless by “talk with someone” you meant “shove your dick into her.” She grabs Yuuto and drags him to a storage closest where she pretty much mounts him and tells him to get the party started.
Yuuto: (☉∀☉) I have no idea what’s going on. Can you get your hairy beaver off my leg please?
Conclusion…what the hell did I just read?
Hatsukoi Monster Chapter 5 (Hiyoshimaru Akira)
For those who don’t know, Hatsukoi Monster is about a romance(?) story between a timid rich girl (15 years old) and an elementary school student (10 years old)…who looks like he should be working on college application forms (that’s him to the left BTW). Despite the creepy premise, it’s actually not too bad thus far. I like the little moral tidbits sprinkled in each chapter. For example. don’t look down on yourself because there are people out there who will accept you for who you are. I also like how the elementary school student knows how to treat a woman. The other shojos heroes can learn from this kid in short shorts. His parents raised him well.
(that and probably the desire to stick his dick in things (aka puberty) hasn’t hit yet so that’s why he’s acting like a decent person)
Chapter 5 involves a confrontation between the main girl Kaho and Gus, one of the main guy’s friends. He’s opposed to their relationship. Kaho asks if it’s because she’s older and thus sick shit might go down. As a 10 year old, Gus is like, wait, what are you planning on doing with Kanade? ಠ_ಠ Kaho then realizes that the words she used on Gus – ones that were thrown at her when she first got together with Kanade – were said by an older girl, who knew of what lovers do. Flustered at her blunder, Kaho tries to explain her self but doesn’t need to because her audience is a bunch of 10 year olds. They have no idea what their pee sticks are used for other than missing the toilet (well, in the real world they would, but this is the manga world where hopefully they are ignorant of such things).
Gus for some reason backs down. He starts to leave but is stopped by Kaho when she asks why he’s against her relationship with Kanade. Him: ಠ_ಠ BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING CREEPY AND ILLEGAL. PEDOPHILE. Gus doesn’t give an answer and instead leaves with Kanade’s friends (I should note that his friends save Gus look like they should also be applying for college). On the way home, Kanade tells Kaho to relax. Even if there are people that oppose their relationship, it’ll just draw both him and Kaho together and make them more resilient. That’s what his mom taught him. He then goes to ruin the image by talking about 10 year old things haha.
Both reach the apartments they live at. Kanade announces they have one last task at hand before their mission (aka date) is complete. The “end of the date kiss!” Kaho smiles at Kanade’s childish enthusiasm and obliges by kissing him on the cheek. However, Kanade tells her that end of the date kisses are on the lips and kisses her on the lips. He then goes inside while Kaho stares at him dreamily. Her first kiss ~
The sound of something hitting the floor breaks her out of her stupor. She looks behind her to see another one of the apartment residents – Kouta – staring in shock at what just transpired before him. Before he can explain anything, Kaho runs for her apartment. Laughter breaks out and we see two more apartment residents pop up: Chiaki and her boyfriend Arashi. Chiaki teases Kouta about his actions. The girl he likes just got kissed by another man, an elementary school student at that! Arashi tries to calm Chiaki but Kouta flips his shit. Yeah, he likes Kaho. Yeah, he was spying on her from behind the telephone pole here. Yeah, he saw the kiss, THAT DID NOT NEED TO BE BROUGHT UP BUT THANKS! But you know what, fuck you! Chiaki just laughs and pushes his hair off his face. If only Kouta went to Kaho with his face exposed, she’d fall for him in no time. Kouta slaps her hand off him and things stop there. The next day rolls in and Gus comes back (with Kanade’s other giant friends because they thought whatever was going down was going to be fun) and asks to have a meeting with Kaho in Kanade’s room (omfg, there are too many K names in this manga). Gus asks what it is about Kanade that attracts Kaho. Is it his looks? His mysterious attitude? (dem short shorts?) Did he save her and she thought it was destiny. That last remark gets Kaho right in the liver. She fell for him because he saved her from becoming pancake. Gus continues to tell Kaho that the reason he doesn’t approve of her relationship with Kanade is because they know nothing about each other. Also, Kanade is just using Kaho to recover from his mother’s death.
Before Gus can continue, Kanade butts in. Kaho looks nothing like his mom.
Kaho: THAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU ZERO IN ON!? щ(ﾟдﾟщ)
When asked what is it about Kaho he likes, he says he doesn’t know (Kaho: ( ༎ຶ ◡༎ຶ)). But so what? Just because you know everything about a person doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll fall in love with them. Love is the feeling of wanting to know more about a person. Seeing the wisdom in Kanade’s words, Gus backs off but he tells Kaho he’s still against the relationship. He leaves along with Kanade’s friends. Alone, Kanade asks Kaho if she’s interested in getting to know him more. She smiles and replies yes. Kanase, lying on his bed, pats to the space next to him.
“Then come here. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
Aria, why you gotta make everything creepy?
The following are now cover pages ~
The Prince and His Dark Days *final chapter* (Yamanaka Hiko), Kore wa Koi no Hanashi chapter 32 (Chika)
Boku to Utsukushiki Bengoshi no Houken chapter 7 (Narushima Yuri), Otanbi Youshitsu: Salon de Kirihiko *final chapter* (Mikami Honemaru)
No. 6 chapter 29 (Asano Atsuko and Kino Hinoki), GDGD-DOGS chapter 33 (Tooyama Ema)
Ani ga Imouto de Imouto ga Ani de chapter 15 (Kurumatani Haruko), Akumu no Sumu Ie Ghost Hunt Chapter 6 (Ono Fuyumi and Inada Shiho)
Sleeping Beauty chapter 2 (Doumoto Nao), Jyunketsu + Kareshi chapter 33 (Shouoto Aya)
SSG (Sakurai Shushushu), K chapter 13 (GoHands, GoRA, Kuroe Yui)