02.2013 Lala Part III

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星屑と花嫁 (Stardust and Bride)
(Hoshikuzu to Hanayome)
One-shot
真柴なお (Mashipa Nao)

The one shot follows a young girl named Loletta who is going to get married to some fat pedo. As part of her island’s tradition, she is to spend a week in isolation from others. However, someone says fuck your traditions and pops up at her isolation hut one day. If peeing on her customs wasn’t bad enough, he proceeds to pull Loletta into a hug. Naturally, Loletta is thinking one thing: YESSSSSS I mean, OH SHIZ WTF!?

After his public display of affection, the stranger reveals himself to be just that…a stranger xD But he comes for a reason! First he tells Loletta her brother is dead and that here’s the bracelet you made for him as proof of what I just said.

Loletta: D8

When asked wtf, the stranger reveals that her brother was riding along in a carriage that was attacked by robbers. Now for surprise #2: the stranger has her brother’s heart.

Loletta: D8

Apparently even though this world hasn’t advanced itself technology wise, it’s doing pretty good medical wise (not sure how that’s possible since I figured you’d need good technology to have good health care…especially if you’re doing heart surgery but ok). Loletta’s bro was pretty fucked up when he was found. Though the details are a bit fuzzy, I believe the stranger was riding along in the same cart as the bro and I guess got messed up too? As they are lying out in the streets dying, the bro tells the stranger that he can have his heart if the stranger does something for him. WHAT!? Who says something like that!? And why his heart!? How raped were these two!? The stranger says sure and bam, new heart got.

I guess it’s real lucky that the stranger and Loletta’s bro just happened to share the same blood type and what not necessary for the stranger to accept Loletta’s bro’s heart and not die from his body’s rejection of the new organ…

Loletta’s bro of course dies seeing as how he has no heart. The stranger sought out Loletta to give her her brother’s bracelet and the money he had been saving up doing bitch work. We learn that the bro’s heart has been bothering the stranger. The doctors told the stranger it’s probably because the heart holds strong emotions and wants the stranger to act on them – translation: go find Loletta, foo. Now that the stranger has found Loletta, he asks to stay with her until the end of her isolation period so her bro’s heart can be happy about being with his sis again. Seeing no problems at all (or maybe she’s still in shock about the whole thing), Loletta agrees and the two spend the rest of the one-shot bonding.

We learn the reason Loletta is agreeing to marry the fat pedo is because she wants to provide her family with money so they can live comfortably. When she was younger, her parents were killed by robbers and her “bro’s” family took her in. Loletta was a shy quiet kid and everyone thought she was a dick because of that. Yeah, I don’t get it but this is shojo. Only through her “bro” and his family was she able to come out of her shell. However, the family was never rich and over time due to shitty stuff, they became in dire need of money. The bro went out to earn money but no one knew what happened to him. In a panic, Loletta decided it was time to do her part and offer her hand in marriage to the fat pedo in exchange for her family’s happiness though she didn’t say anything to them and they think she REALLY wants to marry the fat pedo ew.

From hanging with the stranger, she learns to stop being dumb and he learns to stop being angsty. Yay ~

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Thankfully, Loletta doesn’t end up marrying the fat pedo. The stranger, named Kuzu or Dust, reveals himself to be a thief (but not the thief that messed up her bro) and he steals both Loletta and some price-y shiz. He left the money Loletta’s bro gave him to their parents so now Loletta doesn’t have to worry about them. They run away together and the chapter ends with them being happy together somewhere ~

End

Truthfully, at first, I thought this one shot was going to be stupid. Especially when I got to the heart part. Like, who goes, I’ll give you my heart only if you do this and this for me. What would have happened had Kuzu said no, I’m not agreeing to that?

Bro: Well, then fuck you! I’m not dying and I’m keeping my heart.ヽ(#`Д´)ノ

If the bro was in that bad of a shape that he was giving out his final wishes, I don’t think he was in any position to make requests. Especially to a stranger who I’m sure was looking at him like ಠ_ಠ do you mind, I’m trying to die here. I think maybe had the manga-ka made it so the bro and Kuzu knew each other, then I could believe Kuzu going out of his way to complete the bro’s request. Otherwise, if I were Kuzu, I’d say f u, I’m not doing that. Noisy heart be damned.

Overall though, it wasn’t bad. Heart stuff ignored.

And guys…the heart surgery thing made me think of this video. Enjoy. Be warned, they curse but it’s hilarious xD

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敵は王サマ (My Opponent is a King)
Teki wa Ou-sama
Part II
石原ケイコ (Ishihara Keiko)

Gah, shit just keeps getting better and better ~

Last we left off, Ibuki finally remembers Nobara, much to her delight. Unfortunately, he’s like omfg it’s you get the hell away from me, which confuses her greatly. When Nobara confides in her friends and schoolmates about Ibuki, they tell her she’s out of his league and that she needs to realize she’s not in a shojo because only shojo girls get with hawt guys like him. Just when Nobara is ready to call it quits, the cousin/cling on friend of Ibuki’s appears (the one that recorded Ibuki getting “punched” in the face back in the last chapter) and uses his imp magic to trick Nobara into going back to Ibuki. No seriously guys. I love this character. I don’t even remember his name. All I remember is his gay ass pose xD

Nobara ends up hanging with Terrance (not actual real name), the guy who punched Ibuki back in chapter 1. Turns out his punishment for smacking Ibuki around is to weed the school’s garden. Nobara gets roped in too but I love how she’s like, let’s do this shit: xD

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While weeding Nobara cuts her finger, much to Terrance’s fear. He totally flips his shiz and screams for an ambulance. I love how this buff bishi is pretty much on a chair, holding his skirts up at her cut xDDD Nobara says sucking on her finger will fix everything but Terrance is having none of that shit. To the nurse’s office, bitch! The hell is wrong with you? You wanna get AIDs from licking that!? щ(ಥДಥщ Ibuki says no, they’re not going anywhere. Otherwise his pops will figure out he’s got Terrance and Nobara doing his dirty work (I guess Ibuki is the one who is supposed to be doing the weeding because of the ‘getting punched in the face’ incident – not sure why – but he said fuq that – he’s wearing his Forever 21 pants, and forced Terrance to do it instead. Nobara happened to be there with a sickle and yeah, she joined in too. After Terrance and Nobara throw a hissy fit at Ibuki’s lack of care for her wound, possible love tension happened when Ibuki cracks and says fine! All we need to do is suck on her finger right!?

Nobara: YESSSSSSSSS

◉◞◟◉‵)

Trixie (or whatever the name of the cousin/cling on of Ibuki’s is) pops up which causes Ibuki to shove Nobara’s finger into her mouth xD Turns out Ibuki has a visitor, much to Ibuki’s unhappiness. He goes off but not before throwing his handkerchief at Nobara and tells her to stop thinking perverted things. This ain’t tumblr yo.

Nobara: щ(Дщ)

Terrance and Nobara go back to weeding because I don’t know. Once they’re almost done, Nobara wonders who Ibuki is talking to. Terrance says he’s probably getting hit on by girls to which Nobara freaks. I mean, isn’t he like a feared overlord in their school. Terrance tells Nobara that while yes, Ibuki is like an evil dictator at school, to girls at other schools, he’s just a hot misunderstood bishi.

Nobara: F@$#!

But like before, just when Nobara is about to call it quits, in comes Trixie. He tells her the person Ibuki is meeting with is a very difficult person who even Ibuki has trouble with. Nobara instantly thinks the person Ibuki is meeting with is someone who wants to pull Ibuki’s dick off and use it poke people with because Ibuki is an ass like that so she runs off to confront said person, sickle in hand. She trips on the way but keeps on going. Eventually she finds Ibuki and pops out of the bushes all OGABUGABUGA!

Her: >:I

Them: o__O

Turns out the person Ibuki is meeting is a girl, specifically one of the girls who teased Nobara back in the beginning of chapter 1. The girl is a typical bitch and is like, oh I didn’t know they let poor people in lolololol. Nobara retorts that she doesn’t care wtf this ho thinks. She worked hard to get into the school so she could meet Ibuki again.

Ibuki: *shocked*

However, his shock doesn’t last long. He tells the rich bitch that his school doesn’t let in poor people like Nobara.

Both girls: D8 wtf!? Dude, that’s a bit harsh! You pro-Romney!?

He goes on to say Nobara used her guts and determination to force her way into their school, like a man! To cut this short, he pretty much tells the rich girl to go piss off and go eat some donuts or something. Grabbing Nobara’s hand, he peaces out and leaves the girl behind.

Nobara, on one hand, is happy she got to be of use to Ibuki. However, on the other, she’s like, man I feel used. Ibuki redeems himself a bit when he treats Nobara’s wounds – Nobara: 8D – though she’ll owe him a thousand fold for his help. Nobara: :D …

The chapter ends with Nobara feeling like she and Ibuki are getting closer. One morning she meets up with him on their way to school and returns not only his handkerchief and his grandfather’s watch. Ibuki freaks a bit and tells her he doesn’t want the watch and Nobara should throw it away. Nobara’s like screw that and says she’ll hold on to it but before she can finish, Ibuki grabs both the watch and his handkerchieft and throws both into the river they just happen to be near.

Ibuki:YEAH! I’M A MAN – oh fuck that’s my handkerchief now what will I use to wipe my hands with after masterb…I mean, the toilet >___>

Feeling proud of himself for making the scene dramatic, Ibuki begins to walk away Gangdam style until Nobara stops him and PIMP SLAPS THE SHIT OUT OF HIS FACE LIKE THE SKIN CELLS IN HIS FACE ARE ALL DYING FROM THE IMPACT YES.

End

Man, I really like Teki wa Ou-sama x3 It’s a great comedy ~ I’m only sad the series is ending with the next issue. I hope a tankoubon comes out :U I remember there was this 3 parter story from the lady that draws for that Haruka series a while back I wanted to read but it was never collected in tankoubon form. I only reason I knew about the 3 parter was because I had gotten a random issue of Lala and the first chapter was there. But that was like a year ago D8 Lala why!?

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狼陛下の花嫁 The Bride of the Wolf King
(Ookami-Heika no Hanayome)
Chapter 41
可歌まと (Kauta Mato)

Pretty much a continuation of the auntie drama from the last chapter. The emperor and Yurin are totally getting the hots for each other but don’t know how to act on their feels. Well, thankfully auntie is there to stir up some love ~ The chapter ends with this:

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Awwww yeah!

I feel like I joined in at the right time. I bet you the past 6 volumes must have been such a cock tease! Like, will they get together now? No? How about now? No? Well then…NOW?! Nope ~HAHAHAHAHAH

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菩提樹寮のアリア (Linden Hall Aria – La Corda D’Oro Series)
Chapter 14
Bodaiju Ryou no Aria
呉 由姫 (Kure Yuki)

Last we left off, Ritsu told his younger brother Kyouya to take his place in the competition, seeing as how he’s crippled and shit. Rather than be all “okay, because I love you and I worship the very ground you walk on oniisan,” like most Japanese brothers do in shojos, Kyouya instead throws a man tantrum and storms out. Main girl Kanade tries to chase after Kyouya but he must either be running away like Sonic the Hedgehog or she stopped somewhere to poop because she is unable to catch up to him. However, she does bump into this guy named Amamiya.

He asks her what’s up and she tells him about trying to find Kyouya. Amamiya goes okay and follows her xD We jump over to Ritsu and the boys. Girl boy Haru is against Kyouya taking Ritsu’s place. He doesn’t care if Kyouya can play an instrument. The boy lacks passion and if it’s one thing girl boy Haru don’t like, it’s men with no libido for an instrument ;D

Everyone: o__o what?

Him: what?

Someone who I think is like a principal or something to the boys appears and tells Ritsu he better be playing in the concert. Screw this Kyouya boy or the fact Ritsu is in the hospital. She’s got money on this and if Ritsu ain’t playing, there’s no way his team can win.

Everyone else on the team: wow…thanks teacher for that. (ノ´_ゝ`)ノ

The scene switches again to Kyouya who is still throwing his fit. He decides to channel his rage into kicking a pebble (cuz he’s thug) that somehow flies into the face of this scary looking dude. Rather than apologize right then and there, Kyouya thinks about how frightening the dude looks and how he’ll probably get raped because that’s what scary dudes do to pretty boys like him щ(Дщ) The scary guy. however. turns out to be Shirou, a trombonist at Kyouya’s school. Shirou in turn recognizes Kyouya as Ritsu’s brother. In a surprise turn of events, Shirou apologizes to Kyouya about what happened to Ritsu (I think a friend or whatever of Shirou’s accidentally did something and Ritsu got hurt in the process). Shirou goes on to say his music boss Yukihiro has spoken highly of Ritsu’s group so they must be some cool beans. Kyouya tells Shirou his music boss is a dumbass for thinking that and nearly shits himself when Shirou grabs him.

Shirou: Don’t you be talking smack about my bro щ(ಥДಥщ)

Kyouya: da fuq!? ∑(O_O;)

aria2Her shojo senses a tinglin’, Kanada appears in time to save Kyouya from a beatin/rapin from Shirou. She literally throws herself at Shirou to stop him. Man, Kanade has more balls than Kyouya! Now that almost everyone is present and accounted for, we gotta get this drama plot going. Kande learns about Kyouya’s douchebaggery towards Shirou and apologizes to him. His feathers still ruffled, Shirou tells everyone that he and his music group are going to win the competition because Yukihiro is going to graduate soon and this is his last chance at winning. When asked about her desire to win the competition, Kanade says yeah she wants to win but now she feels bad seeing as how this Yukihiro dude has only this one competition left before the real world makes an adult out of him…no lube used. She’s young. She has other chances. Shirou tells her to stop being dumb and just play for Christ’s sake. Amamiya (yeah remember him?) shrugs his shoulder and goes yeah I guess we want to win I don’t know…my music boss and I aren’t gay like Shirou and his are so I don’t know what goes through his mind.

Shirou: >:I we’re not gay! We just appreciate each other a lot!

After that obvious future plot device is dropped, the gang breaks up. Kanade tells Kyouya to stop being a wiener and just take Ritsu’s spot. After some fussing, Kyouya says he doesn’t want to take his brother’s place because they ain’t going to win with him and he’ll just make his brother a sad person for choosing Kyouya in the first place (。┰ω┰。). Realizing the reason for his refusal, Kanade hugs Kyouya and nothing else happens with them.

(lol knew he was a I DAISUKI YOU ONIISAN person xD)

We end the chapter with the two returning back to Ritsu and the gang just in time to hear Ritsu ask the principal lady’s permission for Kyouya to take his place. Kyouya pulls a Shirou and grabs Ritsu, telling him to knock dis shit off. He’s not going to be Ritsu’s replacement! Ritsu says no, you aren’t my replacement. I’m entrusting my spot to you because I believe in you ~

Kyouya: ohhhhhhhhhhh! ヽ(°◇° )ノ

End

I really like Aria too much x3 So many pretty boys ~ my eyes can’t handle it xD

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王様の葬儀店 (The King’s Funeral Parlor // The Engrish the manga-ka seemed to be going for was “The King’s Undertaker.”)
Ou-sama no Sougi-ten
One-shot
八島時 Yajima Toki

Summary can be found here ~

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