One-Shot Graze: Oni-Yashiki (The Hana to Yume 8/12)

echoRandom one-shot post is random xD In my amazon.jp order last month, I got “The Hana to Yume” for lols. I’m really enjoying the one-shots inside. Some are cute. Some are dumb as shit (as you would expect from shojo xD). And others are just plain wtf.

(Omfg, I will post later about the guy under the bed shojo one-shot. Holy crap! That shiz made me paranoid about hanging my feet over the edge of my bed D8)

I’m planning on posting more random one-shots in the future. BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING SUMMARIES ON ONE SHOTS 8D (I’m sad I haven’t been able to write up summaries for one-shots in a while >___<)

Ah, and for those of you waiting for Shounen Oujo (and are like, f this one shot shit), I should have the next chapter out tomorrow unless RL shoves its butt in my face and farts :o

1

おにやしき / Oni-Yashiki
十鳥さるTodori Saru

“Wanna peek inside?”

Our one-shot starts when a young student, Kitou, begs the student body president of her school to a deal. If she can make him wet himself in fear, he has to increase the amount of funds for the science club.

SBP: ಠ_ಠ wtf?

Naturally SBP tells her to get bent. Why the hell would he agree to something that dumb? His vice president says he should go.

SBP: ಠ___ಠ wtf why are you on this too?

The vice president begins to regale a story about how two students were playing tag in the school (;O__o) when they got lost…in their own school. An oni found them and capture them hooooooooo ∑(゜Д゜;)

Not sure why, but apparently hearing about girls getting captured by oni is a convincing enough argument for why SBP should agree to the deal because he says ok let’s do this. The task is simple: SBP has to go through a “haunted” house exhibit created by the science club without freaking the fuck out. To monitor his heart rate, Kitou pins a heart shaped device made by her club on his shirt. If his heart starts to race, the device will let out a loud noise, alerting all of his loss. SBP is impressed with the device. He was under the impression the science club was just a lazy leech. To think they actually do things in the club!

The two go into the “house.” The first thing they encounter is some freaky ass mummy hanging upside down. 2

Kitou looks at the SBP in anticipation, waiting for the device to shriek. However, the SBP isn’t called “Iron Heart” for nothing. He calmly stares at the thing even as one of its eyes pops out. The two continue forth. Mummy: ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`) To pass the time, SBP talks with Kitou. Turns out the science club is a small club, thus why it got its funds cut. Kitou responds her club is growing. It recently got two new applicants. With such a small amount of members, SBP lols that all they do is probably scratch their butts all day. Kitou glares at him, saying she’ll do whatever it takes to save her club. The SBP is impressed by her determination. He may not like her method, but he likes her guts.

3

They traverse the haunted house in a comical fashion until they reach the exit. However, Nicki Minaj is at the exit, blocking them. Kitou’s like STARSHIPS ARE MEANT TO FLLYYYYYYY but he stops when Kitou says Nicki there wasn’t part of the show. Him: (º_º) okay then…let’s gtfo. He turns but he sees Kitou is gone. Now alone, he starts to remember the story his vice president said about the missing girls. What if the same thing happened to Kitou? He starts to search the haunted house, looking for the girl. The more time that passes, the more nervous he gets till:

Beeeeeep!

Kitou pops out and smiles. Yay we got you! SBP gets angry and yells at her. He was scared for her! WTF BITCH!? Kitou is surprised by his reaction. She then says if the heart monitor didn’t go off due to fear for himself, then it doesn’t count. When asked why she isn’t shitting her pants in laughter at him (lo SBP is a tsundere xD), Kitou says she didn’t expect the SBP to be such a nice guy.

4

Him: BLUSH DESU

Beeeep!

Embarrassed that her heart monitor read the palpitations of his maidenly heart, SBP runs away blushing. He yells over his shoulder for Kitou to take down the haunted house (seeing as how today is the last day of the culture festival or whatever).

And things could have ended here, nice and happy. But no, we had to get weird.

We flash over to Kitou waving the SBP off…a rapist smile on her lips. And we all know, good things never follow a rapist smile…

It’s now nightish time. SBP is helping the vice president with clean up duty. He suddenly remembers, oh hey I’m still wearing this ghey ass heart on my shirt wtf. Why didn’t anyone say anything? He heads over to Kitou’s House of Haunts and is surprised to see it still up. WTF, lazy punks. This shiz is supposed to be cleaned up. Not questioning further why nothing has been done, he goes inside and finds that freaky ass mummy still chillin upside down. Below the mummy is its eye ball. SBP picks up the eyeball because he can and freezes.

…wtf.

This isn’t cheap ass Wal-Mart plastic.

He takes a closer look at the mummy…who he now sees is wearing a school girl outfit. Suddenly, he starts to go Monk on the situation. Two girls go missing. Two girls join the science club. …connection?

Oh, SBP? You came back?

Kitou enters the room. SBP has his back to her. He thinks, …no…it’s just a coincidence. Ain’t no way anything bad is going to happen to me in a shojo, right?

Ah, that’s right. You came to return the heart monitor.

He turns to look straight at her and freezes. Not only does she suddenly have vampire fangs but the ho’s shadow has like…fucking horns.

5

Thanks for bringing it.

SBP: SHITTING HIMSELF

BEEEEEEEPPP!

You beeped. So that means we get a raise in our budget, right?

END

It’s up to you to interpret wtf is going on. Was Kitou truly an oni or was this all part of an elaborate plan to get SBP to shit himself? Maybe the vice president was in on the whole thing? She wanted to get the science club some money so she told the SBP about the two girls. The mummy could actually be a doll wearing a school girl outfit. Hell, there’s an old man in Japan flashing a school girl uniform. Why can’t this doll? And the eyeball? Could be a grape or something. And the fangs? Plastic. And the shadow? Playing with lights.

Or it could all be true and the SBP is going to get sodomized and hung like a Christmas decoration like Sandy over there.

But you have to wonder…why the fuq would an oni join the science club?

2 thoughts on “One-Shot Graze: Oni-Yashiki (The Hana to Yume 8/12)

  1. Updating your blog at the speed of light eh? :D
    Thanks for that previous post about books you’ve been reading, it actually made me reflect on these past university years, where due to homework/assignments/exams/whatnot I basically lost the will to read anything except comics. Stupid uni what have you done to me? D: To think I used to read over 3 books a week when I was back in school, maybe I should read some thrash fiction just to get back in touch with printed material which does not serve for studying purposes.
    Twilight: Pick me!
    Me: NO.
    The WTF material was… as WTF as usual. XD Just… wtf… scary people out there…
    Lol at the Hana to Yume one shot. I actually like a lot of hana to yume titles (ah, such a maiden), but I never knew its short stories where so screwed up. :S Like, who the hell made *this* thing up? Now I can’t wait for the other one shot. XD
    Oh yeah, your dog is awesome! Love dogs. They are so silly. Just aw, going to a pissing war with the neighbor. XD

    • Haha, I just post sporadically xD One minute I’m posting all over the place, then the next post doesn’t come until two weeks later! My speed depends on what life is doing to me at that moment :3

      It’s interesting to see how others are affected by college in relation to reading! After sitting for so many hours reading boring ass class stuff, who wants to read more!? There’s no fun in that! Why not look at pictures or enjoy some mindless tv shiz!
      Actually, now that I think about it…I went through a heavy anime phase during my early years of college…my reading went down and my anime went up xD Currently, it’s the opposite! Reading is going up while anime is to a bear minimum!

      (I should probably be ashamed of this but I did read Twilight back before the craze started. And surprisingly, I enjoyed the book…until my friend said WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? EDWARD’S A CREEPER! HE PEEPS ON HER! Then the magic died and I wondered wtf was I thinking…but…I can’t remember too much of the book…maybe I should re-read it again just to see how I’d enjoy it now that my rose-colored glasses have been pimp slapped off my face xD)

      Hey, nothing wrong with enjoying some good Hana to Yume shojos ;D I myself am a fan of a number of shojos though I’m sort of behind on them at the moment. Oh Skip Beat…I’m still on vol #13 lol.
      Recently, I’ve been craving shojo one-shots. Any kinds. Cute ones. Stupid ones. Ass backwards ones. As long as it’s a one-shot, I’m game. (That’s why I got ‘The Hana to Yume’ magazine). It’s sad I always hope to find a wtf shojo bc that means I get to share them with you all xD

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